Cybill Shepherd makes the argument that she's been grosslymisunderstood all of her life.
At the age of 50, she is doing a retrospective of her life andcareer, called "Cybill Disobedience: How I Survived Beauty Pageants,Elvis, Sex, Bruce Willis, Lies, Marriage, Motherhood, Hollywood andthe Irrepressible Urge to Say What I Think."
But after reading it, the real question is how we survivedCybill.
According to her "how-not-to" book (her words), she's not holdingher breath waiting for the tribute dinners. There would be nosurprise appearance from Bruce Willis or "Moonlighting" creatorGlenn Gordon Caron. Her ex-husbands won't be throwing bouquets ather (well, they might, but head first). Apparently, Buffalo'sChristine Baranski won't be providing the toast either. (More onthat later.)
In fact, Cybill doesn't seem to be on speaking terms with anyoneshe's ever worked with.
Her family doesn't have too much to do with her either ("to mysister, a big-hearted country girl, I will always be the "perfect'blonde child plopped down in the middle of the family, invitingodious comparisons"). The only thing longer than the list of peoplein Hollywood who detest her is the list of those she's slept with(and many of the names are the same). In the interest of fulldisclosure - her dogs apparently like her, and her kids did beforethe book was released.
Cybill relates the story of her daughter's birth, and recallsscreaming at the nurse, "When will this motherf----- be born?" Evenif she had such a thought, and you give her the benefit of the doubtand attribute such lovely maternal sentiment to labor pain, whywould she put it in the book for her daughter, now 20, to read?(Cybill, the kid already forgave you for naming her Clementine.Don't push your luck.)
In her defense, she had a difficult childhood in an unhappyfamily straight out of Tennessee Williams. She was sexually activeat 16 and the family doctor provided her with birth control withouther even asking for it. After having an abortion early in hercareer, both of her brief marriages came about as the result ofunplanned pregnancies. She is still mystified by her inability tomaintain a satisfying relationship, although she admits to acomplete lack of fidelity.
She takes responsibility for breaking up more than a fewmarriages, repeatedly making passes at married men. While making herfilm debut in "The Last Picture Show" she began a legendary affairwith director Peter Bogdonovich, in spite of the fact that he andhis wife, Polly Platt, the film's production designer, had just hada baby. "I knew it was wrong, but I justified it by telling myselfthat I hadn't exchanged any vows with Polly."
Although she has found little more than physical satisfactionfrom sex, she is nonetheless obsessed with it, spending much of thebook recounting affairs with a variety of famous and not-so-famousmen. Other than Bogdonovich and a report on her fling with Elvis(this book makes you wish he were alive so he could sue her), herlovers are conveniently nameless - described only as the Producer,the Costar, the Stuntman, the Gynecologist (!), the Consultant.
(One of her first romantic encounters as a teen was with GrayDavis, now governor of California.)
She says she doesn't regret sleeping with anyone, but she regretsnot sleeping with some (including Bruce Willis). Al Gore inventedthe Internet and Cybill (the Tramp) apparently discoveredintercourse.
What is it with these Tennesseans?
She has a healthy view of her contributions to Hollywood: "Todaymany people actually love "At Long Last Love.' Presumably itinspired Woody Allen to do a musical called "Everyone Says I LoveYou.' "
When presenting the Oscar, she ad-libbed to plug her own film,causing Billy Wilder to remark, "Hollywood is now united in itshatred for Cybill Shepherd." At a dinner party, she suggested toDustin Hoffman that their hostess may have a few phone books hecould sit on. And while filming "The Heartbreak Kid" with a toupee-enhanced Charles Grodin, she asked him why his hair looked fake.
Despite such faux pas, she appears to have learned little fromher mistakes. She is mystified by what went wrong with"Moonlighting," although she admits to being irate when Willis gotnominated for an Emmy and even angrier when he won.
Shepherd blames her lack of "team spirit" on her modeling days,in which the girls were constantly pitted against each other.Nowhere is this more apparent than where she discusses Buffalonative Christine Baranski.
Shepherd takes credit for Baranski's success in the role of herbest friend Maryann Thorpe in "Cybill," and then lambastes hersidekick for bailing out of the show's final episode, even thoughshe writes, "Her 48-year-old brother had dropped dead suddenly of aheart-attack."
This seems to be par for the course for our Cyb, who chronicallycriticizes each of her co-stars' acting abilities and then expressesher astonishment that none of them call her or keep in touch. Whenshe visits the Sistine Chapel during her modeling days, she becomesacquainted with the Delphic sybils, who prophesied the coming ofChrist. As a result, she is a follower of goddess spirituality -telling bemused co-stars "Goddess Bless You" when they sneeze. Astrong theme in her book is the curse of beauty. She quotes Yeatsseveral times: "Only God, my dear, could love you for yourself aloneand not your yellow hair."
It quickly becomes apparent to readers that Cybill Shepherd'syellow hair hasn't been her problem for the past 50 years. It's beenher mouth.
BOOK REVIEW
By Cybill Shepherd with Aimee Lee Ball
HarperCollins
294 pages, $26
Excerpt: (Regarding the recording of her album "Cybill Does it toCole Porter")
"Peter (Bogdonovich) had the idea to send advance cassettes toOrson Welles, Cary Grant, Fred Astaire and Frank Sinatra, asking forblurbs to be quoted on the jacket cover. The first three sentglowing, appreciative comments and I was hoping for the same fromSinatra. I had met hime once before, after a performance atCaesar's Palace. 'I love you", I gushed. He fixed his cerulean eyeson me. 'I love you too, baby,' he said.
But he sent a telegram, after listening to the album: 'Marvelouswhat some guys will do for a broad!' Peter tried to convince me thatwe were just one typo short of a rave, that a misplaced exclamationpoint would have made the review read: 'Marvelous! What some guyswill do for a broad.'
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